I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
