You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
