You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize