Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
