Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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