I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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