Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we made out on top of his cat.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
