He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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