Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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