first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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