last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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