and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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