I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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