so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm at about main and main street
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
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Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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