You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
