I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
