You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
