i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
