somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
