I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All I want is dick and wine.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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