evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
