sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
