I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
