oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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