at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
