I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
