The maid of honor just puked.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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