not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
