He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
