I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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