so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
