NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
