It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
