Can i not drive my cunt home
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
