im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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