How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
