i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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