I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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