Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
