you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
