It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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