I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize