One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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