so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
