Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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