If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
