once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
