thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
