Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
