yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
