My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize