put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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