Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
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I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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