dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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