So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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