If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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