Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That accounts for only three of the penises
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
