roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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