i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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