He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
