I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
