i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
