Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
