I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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