Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
