I hate all girls vehemently.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
