youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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